Out of all the places in the world Mongolia never would have crossed my mind. When I opened my call I was in shock. (Hence, the melting onto the floor) My dad immediately started researching the country and learning about the church there. I guess I just didn't know what to feel. In the few weeks leading up to receiving my call, naturally I had done a lot of thinking where I might go. In my young years, I have been incredibly blessed with many opportunities to travel and experience many different things around the world. I love going to new places! I had a little bit of pride in my heart, and thought because I already had quite a bit of experience under my belt and had done so many things already, of course I would be sent on a crazy foreign mission.
During this waiting period, I kept having the feeling that I was going to be incredibly humbled on my mission. I was sure this meant that I was going state-side Spanish speaking. I was sure of it. So, I prepared myself to be slightly underwhelmed by my calling.
This is not how the Lord has plans of humbling me...
Instead of being underwhelmed by my assignment, I got the exact opposite. I started having serious feelings of inadequacy and doubt. How in the world am I suppose to learn 2 new alphabets? What am I even doing? I am so not cut out to be a missionary.
For several days I struggled with these negative thoughts. It was not a good time. But as soon as I recognized that they were from Satan, I was able to get on my knees and start to trust that this call was from God. A good friend of mine said it was not bad that I feel inadequate, it even is good. He said that knowing I can't do anything without God's help will make me more teachable. That helped me a lot.
This is not to say that I'm still not nervous, because I'm freaking terrified. But I do have faith, which right now is pretty much what I'm surviving on. Faith in God's plan and faith in God's love, and I guess that faith is taking me all the way to Mongolia.
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